idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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