Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She bit a glass in half.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
