Who did Billy Mays play for?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
