i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I supernannyed him into submission
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
