Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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