I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
