I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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