Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
