I think my vagina is haunted
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
