i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
