What a fucking waste of an outfit
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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