I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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