I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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