Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
