I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
