This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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