hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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