i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
