thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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