Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
did i just pee glitter
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