I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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