So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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