You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
