"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
