You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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