____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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