dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
