she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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