Cold hands, warm shart.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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