Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
