and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
