I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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