note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
