Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
