tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
