i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
