it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
