i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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