evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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