Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
