Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
either way he was missing a nipple.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
