i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
