Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The struggles of a small town man whore
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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