I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
