my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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