I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
