im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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