Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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