all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
