I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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