so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
