im holly from the hills drunk
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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