can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
