she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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