just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Sponge bath it is.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
